I was feeling so lonely and out of sorts yesterday. Sometimes I feel like my career has been stifled now that I am home with the baby. When I look back on my life before Roxy was born so much of my time and energy was spent developing my mind and my teaching career. I got my degree from Hopkins, I joined Teach For America and taught middle school in the Mississippi Delta. I was the education director at a non-profit, and I taught 6th grade here in Massachusetts. I have a master’s degree from Harvard, after all! And now I’m home, changing poopy diapers and wiping down the high chair tray. And here and there I make stuffed animals.
I know, that’s a harsh way to look at things, but that was how I was feeling yesterday. Charlie summed things up best last night (when I was sobbing and irrational) – it’s the challenge of being present with our daughter. He faces the challenge of being absent because he is at work and only sees Roxy for a few minutes a day during the week. I’m happy and lucky to be home raising our daughter, but it is hard sometimes.
Meanwhile, in crafty news. I was looking at the Eskimo sculpture book and doing some sketching. I came across this beautifully minimal piece called “Swimming Bird”
which inspired me to make this.
And, to cheer me up last night (after Charlie let me take myself out to Starbucks for some iced coffee and time to myself), I made a little white mouse. And today I feel better.
i think that bird is a real art piece, and reminds me of the sculptures you did at Hopkins. I have episodes like that too, like why do i have to go to work? When will I meet someone? The oppositte scenario but similar feelings…Call me on days like those!
I understand the college degree thing and the poopey diapers. I stayed home with my daughter (who is now 13), and I can totally understand your feeling of isolation. It’s all so worth it, but sometimes it pushes one to the weepy, emotional stage. I’m glad you have your lovely softies to keep you feeling creative. I enjoy your blog very much and am quite inspired to dig out the sewing machine again. 🙂 Thanks for sharing all your creations. The swimming bird piece is perfect in its simplicity.
I love your swimming bird interpretation!
When I was at home when my son was an infant I missed work, and now that I’m back at work, I feel guilty that I’m not spending enough time with him anymore. I think it’s so hard for women today to find the right balance between work and family, especially the ones with small children.
Did you see the story that aired on 60 minutes a couple weeks back on professional women who are choosing to leave their careers to stay at home and raise their children?
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2005/07/11/60minutes/main708196.shtml
I’m sorry you’re feeling badly. Hang in there! Dont forget to feel GREAT about yourself and your life for being selfless and brave enough to give your daughter your time and attention (rather than having a day care provider do this for you!) And you are quite the creative chick!
And that mouse is ADORABLE!!!! It looks real. I absoultely love it and the bird is amazing. So glad you feel better. Starbucks always cheers me up too!
I totally understand where your coming from! I want to be a stay-at-home mom while still having my career. It has been a challegeing and some late nights working on this I couldn’t get done during the day, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. At least you have found an outlet with your craftiness so you feel like you’re accomplishing something. And remember, no one ever looks back and says “I wish I would have spent more time at work.”
Ooops, I am guilty of my own pet peeve!! I meant “you’re coming from” instead of “your.” Sorry!
Oh, that mouse looks real! How cute! Look now, I’m not even a stay at home mum, I’m just a ‘stay at home bum’ and I get those feelings sometimes (I’m impressed by the masters at Harvard btw – I’ve always dreamed of going to Cambridge and Harvard is right up there with Cambridge as the best in the world!). I have an honours degree but I’ll probably never use it – I see it as a form of personal development rather than professional. Besides, what greater job on earth is there than to raise our future? I’m in awe of all women who are brave enough to do it.
I have so been there. Yesterday, in fact. I worked after my daughter was born, and then, immediately following my son we moved so my husband could continue his education. I chose to stay home – they are 22 months apart, and childcare costs are so high here. The upside is that I am the one caring for my kids. The downside is that I know NO ONE here and am alone with 2 kids under 3 all day. That and hubby doesn’t get it and tells me constantly that I am wasting my brain (2 degrees from UVA). So I definitely have those days! Good for you for taking time for yourself! I am headed to the gym and the cheap babysitting there for an hour of sanity!
I can’t believe you made that mouse! It’s amazing! (I know, I say that a lot about your stuff)…I also love the swimming bird! It kind of reminds me of the loch ness monster (which is a good thing, because I am obsessed with nessie!) Yeah, I’m a huge dork.
I am sorry you were feeling down. My husband and I have just started our married lives together, and we aren’t planning to have a child for another year or so, so I can’t commiserate, but I can imagine what you are going through.
I just love your softies. This bird is particularly sculptural and wonderful.
I’ve been a SAHM for nearly 6 years now. Being “present” for our children is so much more gratifying and punishing than our interactions with anyone else. It can be a blow to one’s self-esteem to go from the professional world where we are praised and rewarded for work, to a more solitary existence where we have to find our own sense of purpose and accomplishment. It is exhausting and overwhelming at times. I really feel for you!