Four Years

Today is our fourth wedding anniversary. Charlie and I met in the summer of 1999. I had just moved to Cambridge to get my master’s degree at Harvard. Charlie had been in the Boston area for a few years already and was regularly leading Friday night services at Harvard Hillel. After spending four years at Johns Hopkins, where there were few Jewish students, and two years in the Mississippi Delta, where I was one of the only Jews in town, I committed myself to attending Shabbat services every week. Charlie and I sat across from each other for a year before I asked him out to dinner. It was a really good dinner.

Before our wedding we had several meetings with the rabbi who was marrying us. Our homework assignment before the last meeting was to write each other a love letter. We decided to continue to write each other love letters every year on our anniversary, instead of any kind of gifts. Here is my letter to Charlie this year:

Dear Charlie,

Today is our 4th anniversary. Do you know what I think about when I reflect back on these last four years? All those long talks on car rides to and from New London and how they’ve changed and how they’ve stayed the same.

Way back when, more than four years ago, we were talking about falling in love. Do you love me? Could you fall in love with me? Who are you really? What is your history?

And then we talked about hunting for a place to live together. Moving in together. The beginning of really sharing life together.

And then we talked about diamonds. And about huppas.

And then all of a sudden it was about babies. When should we have one? How come it is taking so long? When will I feel better? What should her name be?

In four years we’ve become a family of four. We have two beautiful daughters to love and raise together and now I’m called mommy and your called daddy (and your necktie has taken on a role of surprising prominence in our household). But of course, I’m still Abby and you’re still my beloved Charlie.

So in many ways our car ride talks have changed, but in essence they’ve stayed exactly the same. Still full of excited planning about the next big thing we will take on as a couple, still evincing the wrestling that goes on within us and between us about what is truly important and what we can compromise on, still looking forward to walking shoulder to shoulder together through our lives.

Charlie, you make me laugh every day. With your constant hunting for the best food in the metro area and the most interesting new art shows to explore, you help me enjoy life. You encourage me and respect me. You’ve seen me through the most difficult and most wonderful days of my life.

To my husband – here’s to many more long car rides and important conversations. I love you so much. You mean the world to me. Happy anniversary.

Love,
Abby